04/02/24
happy day auggie got new phone. i woked up late as bingus beclaws ... i turned off my alarm and rolled over and felled back to sleep. hehe. ok back to phone thing, my camera has been broken for a while and i have an SE so it's pretty janky, my dad traded it in for a free iPhone 15 which is pawsome. i get my new case tomorow so i can transfer my stuff over! pretty excited abt that. its currently raining quite a bit. after my late start, i holed up in the school bathroom to avoid the awkward last 15 minutes of calculus. my other 2 classes were easy and then i grabbed lunch (cheese sticks) and took the bus home. i got soaked haha and thennnn i got changed, did the dishes, and went to the coffee shop where i am at this moment, nice and warm. i want even more coffee but do I really want to pay $5 ? not even do I want that.

04/01/24
ya girl is BACK and better than ever. it's been a chaotic period of time with work and my siblings coming up to visit, so i've been kind of scatterbrained. updates, updates. today is the last day of spring break and im DREADING going back to school. i do nawt want to... not one little bit! but i only have like one month so i can push through! as i said, my siblings visited a few weeks ago, and that was nice. i miss them and love them, even if things are Complicated. they are always going to be closer with each other because of proximety and im tyring to be ok w that. its hard. if im not a good sister, what am i?
work has been hard. i had a complete breakdown last weekend which involved me bawling my baby eyes out as soon as i got in the car, my dad has been driving me bc my stepmom got into a car accident. she's ok, concussed and tired, but it could have been a lot worse. all things considered, im glad shes ok. my dad loves her, and she has a baby to look after. idk what my dad would do if something happened to her. ive realized how dependant i am on my dad, beyond a parental relationship. its one of many things i need to work through in therapy haha.
i ordered some fun stationeyr with my shiny new paycheck, mb ill pick up a new penpal or two!

03/07/24
eating lunch alone again. it's kind of pathetic, but what can you do? The funnel cake is dry. the apple is mushy. it's a sign from god, probably. my ex asked me not to sit at her lunch table, which is fair, it just leaves me . alone. one day, my limited social interaction will take me by the throat and kill me. until then, im going to eat gross fried chicken and write. ive been working on GWB, and have a rough starting point. im also working on a gift for a penpal, a filet crochet piece of an angel! it's coming along well. its nice to have something to do with my hands. oh, and my job! apparently my stepmom, who got me the job, is going to apply for another job and quit her current job if she is accepted. which leaves me without a ride! and she pushed for me to not quit if she does, and just... get an uber? um. no, i will not be doing that! i can find another job that doesnt gut me entirely, thank you very much. she has been more insufferable lately, if that's even possible. she doesn't believe that i can be so tired after ONLY seven hours on my feet and 'walking around a bit.' which simply isn't what my job is! it makes me very incredibly mad. god. words cannot convey how much i hate her. i dont understand why my dad married her. she is the worst. worst woman ever.

03/06/24
haven't written in a hot minute! which is probably because my mental health has been Bad. i spend a lot of the day fantasizing about getting hurt so i don't have responsibilities. there's a thin line between 'debilitatingly injured' and 'dead,' which despite everything, isn't a line i want to cross. i'm also not confident that i can hurt myself to the extent i want to be hurt, without freaking out. if there was a button i could press that would, say, reliably break my leg, i'd push it. but the reality of breaking my own leg isn't quite as easy. i think it's just work. it's exhausting. seven hours on my feet, walking something like 3.5 miles just in the third floor of the bar, and then going home. i'm almost entirely out of comission the next day, and as you can tell, it spills into the week. if i'm going to feel like this for the rest of my life, i don't see a point in being alive. logistically, i don't have that much school left. three months until graduation. after that, work will be a lot easier. i'll have more time to recover. i just have to Make it through. i just have to push through.

03/02/24
grrrrrrrrr bark bark. i have work today and chores ive been putitng off and i feel so GROSS headache sleepy tired hungry ALL of the above!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my stepmom was like clean the bathtub and i was like ermmm ok . idk why it needed to be cleaned because it looks fine to me and none of us take baths but whateva. so i cleaned it and she was like Nawt even good enuf. do it again. so i did and i got bleach on my fav skirt and also on the bathmat lol and im soooo headache tired!!! and i still have to vaccum the stairs in the worlds most inefficent way ever because of course i do and do the cat litter. idk if im gonna make it today. on the plus side i can make money (90 dollars b4 taxes) and i wanna buy stationary!!! i have a lotta stuff on my wishlist for when i get paid. cutesy tootest stuff. im also gonna go 2 7-11 before work and get snacks to eat in the breakroom b4 my shift. yesterday at the thrift store i got so cute niagra falls hoodie and a neil gaiman book! yayyy yippee. i went to two thrift stores with my dad, he got a file cabinet and clothe stuff. it was really fun! they had some cute cards but none worth my money hehe. and after he got gas and i got a soda (dr pepper + cream soda) and nerds. i love nerds, the little strawberry grape ones are my fav but u cant really get them anywhere, walgreens is the only place with the movie theater size box, the one at this store was pretty small. i mean i dont need more sugar in my diet lol i just. do not care that much abt my wellbeing to be tbh. im slightly suicidal and kinda dont care what happens to me. even if i put my heart and soul into being healthy id just be miserable. as far as im concerned, 99% of health and wellness bullshit is a scam . every ten years what we can and cant eat shifts and im not gonna spend my time trying to keep up with falliable standards. im not planning my life for 70 years old, point blank im not gonna live that long. i dont care enough to. its my life and i should be allowed to die when im ready. all this to say, i like nerds candy :) and i hate doctors and therapists GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! they have an agenda against me istg. oh once i get paid i also wanna get a copy of modelland by tyra banks. ifykyk, i need it so bad. im looking at

03/01/24

02/29/24
i wonder what i would do if i knew the world was going to end. there's so much i haven't done. i haven't fully accepted the idea of my continued existance, nor my eventual death. i think i'd try to see ellie, and then my siblings, who all live in texas. idk what the world would look like for those last however-long. would i work? would anybody? how do you conceptualize destruction so vast? my baby brother is so small... at least he wouldn't be scared. the kids would be. gosh. at least i don't have to worry about that! but it's fun to think about. would airplanes be running? im sure my dad would drive us to see the kids. it would probably be a massive free-for-all until the lights turn off, y'know. as miserable as i often am, and despite the fact that we as a civilization definitely deserve it, it wouldn't be too fun i'll say. if i didn't have the kiddos to worry about i'd just kms sooner rather than later, but im the big sister! gotta be strong B-) anyways i was thinking about that whilst compiling my links catalog on here, beclaws there is a game with that premise! its rather facinating i will sayy.... i will say that.

02/28/24
meow meow meowity meow. gosh i need a new computer... mine is slow and janky. its just a chromebook tho and ive had it for a few years so im not surprised. ! i just finished a test for government, very super duper easy. i like, never study for stuff, because like all my classes are with underclassmen so theyre #easy. thats what i get for transferring in my senior year! not that i had a choice but yknow. idk when i work next but my mom gave me some money and i made like 150 last week so idk what ill buy. knowing me: craft stuff. and snacks. and stickers. maybe clothes? if i can find some sweatpants on amazon, i dont have any rn. there are twilight ones from hot topic i want but those are 1 million (thirty) dollars. i need to reread twilight b4 my vacation actually. i cant wait 4 my vacation im going to the west coast andim going to forks and im gonna eat 1000 delicious snacks and 1000 more delicious snacks and take 10000 pictures. its a graduation present. and then after thati have another vacation w myfamily in a cabin? idk it sounds less cool but ill take what i can get! i hope i work this weekend tbh i could use the money. i was gonna save up for a new computer but ummmmm my dad alluded to me not doing that yet so idk maybe he's gonna get me one as a graduation present. anyways i have this STUPID crush on some LOSER in my math class somebody save me. theyre the last person i want to want. would not be good 2gether. i dont even want a #relationship they just make me feel flustered. eugh... kill me now. i hopelunch is decent today im hungry. i didnt eat breakfast only 1 cup coffee and 3 bites of gross apple and then 1 fruit by the foot. i DIDNT TAKE MY MEDS EITHER i just realized AUGH!!! everything going wrong for augue. i want 1000 energy drinks and chocolate bar. ok time for gratitude. number ONE is apples butonly good crunchy sour green apples i luv them. number 2 is edibles i love feelings so calm and not anxious and sily. number three is my social worker becasuse she works at the school and shehas a genuine pig named Chip who ilove to hold and pet! ok happy wed nes day.

02/27/24
tw: drug use
everything is PAWFUL! grrrr curls into a ball sobbing. i just feel so bad guys and im OUT OF EDIBLES!!! i had some ummm yesterday and that was nice.... i didnt notice how anxious i really was until i took it and all of it went away! just sunshine and rainbows... heehee. my stepmom is so meanie panini guyss i hate her!!!!!! she makes me feel hating myself. which is why i need #drugs. i found somebody to sell me some buti dont have money so i asked my mom for five bucks beclaws chat i cant do this chat. ugh. today i went to the doctor. i hate the doctor theywere like can we do a #exam of ur private parts and i was like NO id rather die and my stepmom was like ermmmmmmm u should get a pap smear anyways. i reiterate: id rather DIE. i've heard horror fucking stories and i don't want to be naked for anybody ever like what!!! anyways they cant make me i think but still. and then i had to make a phone call and that was bad too!!! im not having a greatly perfect day to say the least. not at all.

02/25/24
tw for: suicide mention, drug use mention
i worked my first real shift yesterday: 7 hours, from five to midnight. oh goodness. idk if i can go back guys, i feel like a bit of me died in there. i host at a cocktail bar right now, i guess, and it's exhausting. i was on my feet for 7 hours straight, minus a five-minute break. i am legally owed a half-hour break for every five-hour period i work, because of my age, but my stepmom said they "Don't do breaks." i spent 7 hours getting my ass kicked, because what the fuck do you mean you have a party of ten, look inside you dickwipe. i don't have fucking room. ok now stop craning your head looking for a fucking spot, one of us works here and one of us doesn't,so stay in your lane. i... can't even talk to people. we're supposed to be polite, obviously, its fairly upscale, but i suck at it. the script doesn't come to me fast enough and i mix up words. i probably sound like a fucking idiot. just endless walking and bussing and polishing glasses and setting tables and oh my goddd kill me now! and like, i canhandle it, but its obviously gonna effect me outside of work. i spent all of today in bed, except for a brief like, three hour window of doing chores. i took an edible my friend had given me to dull the pain. the problem is, i can't just quit or set boundries, because i'm only in the job because my stepmom is a bartender. im 100% sure she's gonna just tell me how much of a baby i am for being unable to take it. if it was a shorter shift or an earlier shift or i could have my break or if i had 1-2 business days to recover, it would be fine. but i have to like, actually exist and do tests at school tomorrow, and idk how ill manage it. probably get high again imo. im gonna talk to my dad though, he's already worried about me. i feel useless since other people do harder work all the time, but really, i need to not run myself into the ground. the line between 'this fucking sucks' and 'fantasizing about suicide' is very, very thin. i dont need to cross it. i need to graduate, right now. i need to save my sanity. pray for me y'all. ALOS im thinking of redoing this website tobe smth more blocky and geometric. but idk... ! ummmm maybe ill use an actual code editor this time instead of working in here LOL.

02/23/24
i wonder if anybody irl reads this. goodness gracious i hope not!!! i mean i'm not any less silly irl, i'm working on unmasking so like... idk. if somebody can't handle all this then i dont want to make myself smaller to preserve our friendship, yk? anyways, today i drew paws on my converse. it's so cutest! i want to get ears and a tail but idk where i'd wear them... i don't wanna get harassed! like i don't mind if somebody thinks im a freak, i actively try 2 be a freak. but i dont wanna put myself in danger. maybe ill wear them to the forest and do a cutest photoshoot! i recently got a job, like i said last entry, and i'm gonna be rich. i work tommorow for like 7 hours... which sucks, but that's a lotta money i can't turn down. $165 just this week, minus taxes. my stepmom wants me to save 3/4 of it... but i probably wont haha! i'm also working on plotting GWB, so if u wanna beta read... wink wink! ill probably get smore cutest clothes... or stickers... hehehehhehehhe. my stepmom also says to stop buying stickers, but what she doesn't know won't kill her! haha. she sucks lol. totallll buzzkill, no sense of joy or whimsy! i hope i don't turn out like her when i get older. i don't expect to reach 40 though. i can't imagine myself doing this for twenty more years. i've been feeling more suicidal lately, if u cant tell. ive been taking my meds, so idk whats wrong w me! besides the pawvious heheeeehehe. ishould get this shirt. ifykyk. hehehe.

02/22/24
guys i have a FAN who left me a comment in my guestbook? what the silly. im actually going crazy giggling blushing kciking my little feet. right now i'm at lunch, and after lunchy wunchy i'm going to my home! honestly guys im on my period and i keep getting so frightened i bled through my khakis because ive done that b4. its so gross eughhh. it feels like somebody shoved their hand up my vagina and fisted my guts! not right now but the first few days are rough. i also recently got a job! i work as a hostess at a cocktail bar. its so silly fun awesome but god it is exhausting. im gonna have a lotta money so idk what i'll buy. ok list. right now. ummm im gonna buy a phone case, because i need a new one. (my mom said to set goals would make work easier.) i also want a cardigan from steady hands, probably one of the rat ones. maybbbeeee a lamp for my room? blackout curtains? im just spitballig here. blankets? i love blankets. i also want to comission artists to draw my ocs.
after lunch, i went home! i walked down to a mail drop-off area and mailed some packages from my depop, i made some custom pins! i don't actually get paid a lot for those customs, so i took down the listing. i think in the future, i'll only do customs for friends/penpals. after that i went to the bus stop, but then the bus wasn't going to be there for twenty minutes and i didn't wanna wait, so i just walked home! it's only half an hour on foot from my school to my house, and it's cold enough for a stroll. when i got home i hung out with my baby brother, had a coffee, and showered. i have a veryyyy important essay to do but i cant focus at home really so if i don't work tomorrow then i'll do it then at the library after school. if i work, then i'll work! and make some decent money, at least haha. oh yeah i gotta figure out what to buy! i'll have 2 look into plus size alternative clothes. time for gratitudeeeee!
1: rain! the smell of petrichor, how everything gets damp and greener and pretty, the dull sky.
2: little free libraries ! so cutest little things. once i found a book abt someones dog and i was like yay cutest but noooo it was a freaking propoganda for adopting shelter dogs, which i agree with, but was slightly annoying and bothersome.
3: musicccc yay! i love listening to music and thinking about my ocs hehe.

02/19/24
lately i've been feeling more and more puppy, but this isn't really something i'd talk about to... anybody! so instead i'm gonna yap on my blog. my connection to animals is something that feels very personal to me, such as my gender identity. being recognized, in any way, as nonhuman or a dog feels incredibly validating, like gender euphoria. species euphoria? i draw myself with dog ears and will refer to myself as a dog, it feels like a very important part of me! i like watching videos of cute puppies because i am like yeah, that is auggie! I'm about to start a job and make way more money than I have before, so I'm probably gonna seek out a pair of puppy ears, although I probably won't wear them 2 school for pawvious reasons. or maybe i will! Idk like it feels, generally, wrong to be described as human? I'm sure a lot of this just stems from being a lonely autistic freak. IDK I'm scared of losing friends because I'm a little freak but tbh i don't wanna hang out with people who can't handle a little sillyness yk!

02/17/24
I sat in the passenger seat of your car and all I could think about was how I wanted to hold your hand. You were holding the gear stick, our arms brushed, and god I wanted to reach over and entwine our fingers. Not like that: how you would take it, how you would want it. Not like that. And when you dropped me off at my house, I wanted to kiss you. Quick and easy, said and done. Me and you. Not like that. How much am I willing to risk for you? I mulled over that thought everytime you looked at me. You have it all. You have all the love you could ever want. I don't know if you see me at all, sometimes. I don't want you like they do. Not everlasting. Let me be your friend for just a second, let me hold your hand and kiss your forehead and let me leave afterwards the same girl. If I let myself, I will slip. If I let myself follow my sharp-toothed gut, I will end up in your room, in your eyes, in the gaps between your fingers. If I let myself my mind will unspool onto your dashboard. I reel myself and redo myself and tug my pants up and smile. I brush a hand through my hair and avoid your eyes and stare at your fingers.

02/16/24
First day of the weekend! I have a four day weekend (friday-monday) this week YIPPEE!!! today im hanging out with friends! im in a research study for depression and i do a monthly survey so they called me and they were like ermmmm are u gonna kill urself and i was like not EVEN!!! fun conversation. then my step mom got super grumpy at me but i am used to it by now so i just avoid her when she's in a #mood. for breakfast i scroingled some eggs adn i also had coffee. i'm actually addicted to caffine its a problem haha. i loveee coffee guys its so tasty. im thinking about relistening to Malveolent but idk there are like zero female charaters and to my core i am a girl lover. a girl kisser. a girl hugger. etc. as fun as it is to pretend every character is a girl, i should probably just find some more podcasts w female chars. mabel and alice isn't dead are good ones! peace love alice isn't dead. peace and love and alice is not even dead. what elseee. um yesterday i finished reading Sourdough! it was a good read. not lifechanging and not horrible. i also called my bff ellie yesterday and started croching a beautiful fluffy kitten for a penpal. i loaf crocheting fluffy kittens and i loaf penpals! this is true. in fact, b4 i hang out w my besties today i should write some letters! great idea auggue. fantastic idea, auggue. ok this is auggue signing off. oh wait. gratitude. ok!!! number one thing i am grateful for is coffee. sweet and warm just like me. number two thing is books. i love #reading although i dont do it as often as i wanna. number three thing i am grateful for is sleeping in my cozy warm bed so very cozy. ok now i am goodbye.

02/14/24
Didn't write yesterday: I got very very depressed about Valentine's day so I just kinda curled up and cried for a while. My mom kept insisting my dad was going to do something for me... which honestly didn't help because no, he did not. Which is fine! I'm not gonna fuss about it. Yeah it would've been nice, but he's been kinda sick and doesn't owe me anything lol. OK. My day! I got up at 6am per usual and got dressed before leaving early, around 6:20. It was very dark outside, and cold as well. I only had on one sweater over my uniform polo, so I was a shivering little snicker. I never rode the bus so early, it was kinda spooky! I went to Dunkin to get myself coffee (caramel signature latte, large) and get tea (green) for my friend. Then I headed to school. Carrying two hot drinks was harder than I thought and slowed me down significantly, but I got there eventually! 15 minutes before the doors opened... hehe. I sat on the wall and drank my coffee too fast, and then ate a fruit by the foot I had in my bag. Then I went to class. The first bit of class was an independent FRQ, so I couldn't even talk to my friends... augh. I gave one friend their tea, and the other got their valentine. Then we chatted and had so much fun until the end of class. We're actually planning to hang out Friday! My next two classes were uneventful and unproductive. I ate lunch with the previously mentioned besties (I got my paws on some illicit substances) before going to the library. The wifi at my school is currently out due to weather, and my hotspot wasn't working, so I couldn't do much. I ended up starting on my current read, Sourdough by Robin Sloan. It was on the uncatalogued book shelf, and I decided it was interesting enough for me! I like contemporary fiction a lot, but I don't actually do a lot of reading. Aside from that, I bothered the librarian (my bff) and talked with another student about smutty books. She asked for Haunting Adeline for Valentines Day from her BF, and she told that to the librarian while I was behind the desk. If u know anything about that book, you'll understand why i was a little surprised! I'm all for reading smut and taking ahold of one's sexuality, I just wish there were better books to do it! I've seen a lot of 'rant reviews' of Haunting Adelaine and it does nottt seem good. But hey, if you're just reading it for the smut, that's fine! Truly. I've read some wholly deplorable stuff in my time, no shame. After library I went to art club and messed around with a collage, before going home. There was a bus accident by my stop so I had to take a different stop and I wasn't sure if we were gonna get to my house... but we did! Yay! Then I got home, showered, and now I'm writing this! Stuff seems tense w my dad and his wife, but IDK what's up with them!!! (Author's note: I forgot to save the rest of this post last night... eugh. I'm not gonna redo it beclaws it's already thursday and tbh i'm tired.)

02/12/24
HAPPY monday. i'm so glad it's monday!!! i can't stay at home for too long or else i loseeee my little mind! if u can't tell from saturday's entry hehe. idk if anybody reads these, actually. frick i should bring back my gratitude thing. should i start with that? ok three things i am grateful for one is BURGERS. i am a very typical american girl in that i love me a good burger. and by a good burger i mean any burger, sometimes you just need it y'know. that plus a fountain drink and/or fries... whoaaa baby. sign me up. i'm also grateful for the fact that i got on honor roll! yep that's right. ya girl has a 4.9 gpa for quarter two. we had a celebration thing today where i went up on stage and looked so cutest!!! i mean, awkward as bingus, but cute! number three thing im grateful for is the free bookshelf by my school library because it has some good stuff sometimes!!! ok that is three gratitudes. my bff ellie actually gave me some gratitude journals forever ago but the covers are kinda ugly, maybe i'll paint over them??? that's nawt a bad idea, i'm bad at keeping up with stuff like that but it might be mentally good and nice. i also got paid 2day by a friend who i did a crochet comission for! i made her a little star bag and she gave me one million dollars. i'm pretty proud of it tbh. its green and yellow and striped, it has a cool spotty lining and a little button closure, i also made her a custom pronoun pin! hehe... i gave it to her on the bus and then we did a beautiful hug and i love her she's so sweetie... i love girls. not like that i just like hanging out with girls!!! i should probably write some penpal letters today. i love snail mail and i want to do more of it (wink wink nudge nudge) you should totes be my penpal is what im saying! i will send 100000 goodies.

02/11/24
somebody is playing music (?) in the alley out back? idk it's not Bad just interesting, and since my bedroom is right by the back of the house i'm always subjected to the Noise of the alley, and because i live in a rowhome, the adjacent house is right next to my room so i hear them too. one time the person nextdoor just listened to 'Linger' by the Cranberries very loud and nothing else! so silly. my old dentist played that song a lot. listening to music while my teeth were stolen was nice. ok back to the topic of this post: auggie's autism. me and my family highly suspect i am autistic, and while i'm not going to persue a formal diagnosis, i have a lot of symptoms, as does my dad, and my sibling does have a formal diagnosis. while i was searching for graphics to put on the Girls who bite section of this website, it reminded me of something i used to do in middle school that i consider Peak autistic behaviour. i had a little kindle fire and i would spend hours on my browser downloading pictures of anime neko girls, to the point that i had thousands. for what purpose? i don't know, but i collected them en masse. likewise, when i got into anime, such as black butler and yuri!!! on ice, i would do the same thing, saving thousands of pictures to my kindle. i don't even know if i went through them again! it was quite silly. honestly i haven't changed: i recently went through some images in the cloud and there was a lot of Gerry Keay TMA fanart. and i'm very active on pinterest, as it stands i have 14,000 saved pins!!! these 'collections' extend to real life too: i am prone to picking junk, little charms or shiny things, off of the floor. i am definitely a hoarder, i've had several phases that surround commerical items like this, including the Great Frog Phase of 2020, which is exactly what it sounds like. i've since gotten rid of 99% of my old frog collection, but i still have a few pieces that family has given me. i also had a brief lighthouse fixation, and i still have a few of those, including the 'gay head' light house (a real place) and alcatraz. i've since toned it down (i think?) but i have a lot of craft supplies- but it actually gets used, and i try to not buy stuffies i don't need anymore, because most of them just sit on my shelf.

02/10/24
(general tw for weight discussions) i hate weekends! i don't know if its the structure of school or the social interaction or the business that i crave, but i get absolutely miserable on the weekends, and by the time sunday rolls around i'm ready to crawl out of my own skin in a fit of desperation!!! you feel me? today was fairly uneventful: i had a new kind of coffee, i dropped off some yarn at my local creative reuse and went thrifitng. i found some cool tops: i need more that actually fit me. i have body issues so most of my clothes are too big, and i'm trying to offset that! i found two sweaters and two tee-shirts. no pants, although i need them: nothing struck my fancy! all my pants, minus my khakis (my school has a uniform) are too big, and since i don't have a belt, i can't wear them until i get a belt. i got one from target but it was tooooo big... gosh guys i think i'm skinny. slash J i am not. i am fat! and that's perfectly okay. if my body wants to be This Weight, I won't fight it. worrying so much about weight will make me miserable, i've learned this from experience! honestly i think we'd be better off if we ALL shut up about weight. seriously, it drives me crazy. just simply does Not matter to me. especially since like 95% or something percent of people who loose weight gain it back! its unsustainable. and... ugh. i have more thoughts but that'll be for a Coherent blog post, not a silly blog post. and this is SILLY!!! ok when i got home from da thrift i made slunch and finished a gift for a friend: a green and yellow crochet star bag. i'm really proud of it: it's fully lined with fabric, the strap was crocheted with a 3.125mm hook, and i put my heart and SOUL into that thing. i find that with art, its easier for me to make things for others, because the stuff i make can never hold up to the image in my head! it's a problem that i hope one day i can resolve. one of my many. many... many problems! i would say its one of the ones that cause me the most distress. some issues i can ignore, but this one by definition seems to grate at me! if u have any tips PLEASE let me know guys im dying over here. !! tomorrow my local creative reuse is doing a fun card making thing and i wanna go so bad but its pretty far by foot+i have chores to do! every other weekend i change the cat litter completely and i absolutely DREAD it. because i have to: move the big thing that holds the litter, sweep under it, empty all the litter into the trash, sweep+wipe down the inside, take the empty litter boxes out back, spray them off, dry them off, refill them with litter, sweep the floor, throw out the old litter, and put everything back. it's just a pain in the ass. we have 4 cats and 2 litter boxes so they get gross pretty fast, i do the litter every night. i'm responsible for them almost entirely though bc my parents arent too fond of them and only keep them around because the kids love them. i love them too, but man, it just ruins my whole weekend, because i get gross and sweaty and covered in cat shit. ok i know i'm complaining a lot. ... i will do gratitude now! three things im grateful for: one- my local creative reuse. it's close to my house and very welcoming. it's pay-what-you-can, everybody there is so sweet, and the layout is so cozy. they have a lot of cool stuff for all my crafty needs. last time i was there i got some really nice yarn! i hope to go back soon, the next time i have money. okay number Two thing i am grateful for is my friend ellie. she is my bff and we have been friends for a couple of years and i luv her forever. !!! she doesn't live in my state but one day we will meet irl and have the MOST fun of any two people ever trust me. i write to her a lot and we send each other packages!!! okay and number three thing i am grateful for is my DAD!!! yes. i live with him and he's really nice. i love him! he's not perfect by any means but idk i think we have a pretty good relationship and he's gotten better. ok those are 3 gratitudes guys im a lovepilled sweetiecel i swear guys! ok i love u guys peace love sparkles if u wanna be my bff u should um. u should follow my instagram (fast replies) or email me (really cool)

02/9/24
im in computer science class which is so sillay beclaws pawviously i know how to computer... if u cannot tell by this beautiful website! people are very loud and not knowing what they're doing. guys i love the little neocities color themes right now i'm using 'solarized dark' which is very soft and like... pushing my hands into the leaves. i also have a pimple right between my eyebrows which is like not even fun and i 4got my little christmas tree colored and shaped pimple patches... oh golly. ok back 2 me. does a little wiggle. today is advisory, which means all our classes are short except the last period which is Long... eugh. im just so sleepy i barely even got out of bed this morning! but i did and then i drank coffee and got dressed and ate sandwich and walked to the bus stop... and then got on the bus and rode the bus and got off the bus and walked up the hill and walked up some stairs and then finally i got to class! now i am listening to music instead of listening to people because i am special. i've had 'goodness gracious! bad people.' by sarah & the safe word on repeat lately because it is reliable and also so very good. very solid album. i just ate a cereal bar and then ill probably eat even more grandola bar i loveee granola it's so scrumpy wumptious let me tell you. the person who sits across me is so annoying they never stop yapping, which like, neither do i, but something about them turns me into a growling shaking trembling dog with wide eyes and rabies. i keep telling people this, but i swear to god it would be gender-affirming to have rabies do u get it or not even. when i went 2 my outpatient mental hawspital program and i went back to school for one (1) day, i told people i had rabies and then NEVER went back 2 school beclaws i was depressed. #quirky. today my babiest brother turns 6 whole months that is half a year of him being alive yayyy yippee i love that little squirmy worm! i didn't see him yesterday but when i get home today i will definitely lift him up really high and spin him around beclaws it makes him laugh. my eyes are really dry lately AUGH they water really bad in da morning but now they ache. people are selling chocolate in my class which is so sillay because i want some but have ZERO dollars. next week is valentines day i have so many presents to finish for 10000 friends (and by 10000 i mean like 4 or 5 friends) like for my furriend rain i crocheted them a possum and got them a candygram through da school and im even gonna write them a beautiful letter beclaws i eat lunch with them which makes them my number one slime. my dad's been saying slime a lot lately as slang and i like it ... it's rather humerous. this is also stream-of-consciousness stuff hehe . i tried 2 change the cursor on this website to a RAT and it didn't even work so ill have to mess with it more l8er...u can see it below get it beclaws its a rat and a mouse cursor lol... hahahaha. im so sillay. ok im signing off now beclaws i got too sillay.